RHIANNON FAITH’S CHRISTMAS GREETINGS
WARNING – LONG AND THOROUGH
The 12 Months of Rhiannon Faith
On the first month, January
my producer sent to me:
A corrected budget for my GFTA Money
On the second month, February
my designer sent to me:
A pink helmet,
and a sign that said Scary Shit in Gold letters (cause we were making a new show called Scary Shit)
On the third month, March
my funding body sent to me
A rejection letter, that was a shit day, I cried, but then we reapplied and got the money so we were happy again and me and Maddy could start going to therapy for our new show Scary Shit.
On the fourth month, April
a venue sent to me:
a confirmation that we would be performing at CPT (Camden People’s Theatre)
Scary Shit outings had begun.
So had our therapy.
and the sovereign Scottee made me join the Fraff gang. I would do a few Fraffs over the year and get dry humped by several audience members which I felt ticked the right boxes for participation and engagement. (Maddy got well jel, as she was the original humper)
and we got archived in the British Library with our previous show The Date.
On the fifth month, May
my imagination and 15 years of training to be an artist sent to me our show
Scary Shit. That was handy.
and we got to go to The Barbican and work there and get free lunches.
and our friend Donald Hutera made us do some lunges and stuff in a garden that became Paradise, and the rain held off, which was handy because we were outside.
and we met Wendy Houstoun and made her watch our Scary Shit, and then she stole my wig off me, but it was ok because I had my pink fluffy helmet still.
and my dear friend Bryony Kimmings asked me lots of questions to make sure I wasn’t making a shit show, but a Scary Shit show.
and a Poem came out of me called ‘Holy Shit I Haven’t had a baby yet (a conversation’ and we showed to a lovely bunch at Back Door Banter in Romford, it went well so we kept it in the show Scary Shit.
On the sixth month, June
my panic of being ineffective sent to me:
a Digital Sales and Marketing Officer Roxanne Carney. She was lush and made the facebook and twitter stuff look easy (because it is really hard if you have slow finger responses) and she showed you the pics of us in our costumes looking scared for our show Scary Shit.
and we got lots of donations from our Kickstarter gang, and we made #ScaryShit badges and we got our designer Alice to make a family of cuddly brains. It was really hard to send them out into the big wide world, but I imagined as they were quite brainy they should all be ok.
and Joy Griffiths, our therapist, got famous by being on ITV This Morning with Phil and Holly, but she didn’t let it go to her head and was still our therapist which was good because we were tackling some really Scary Shit.
and we made our Scary Shit Promo video with our friend James which was fun and we felt really happy that we could show you what the show was going to look like.
and our therapy started to work and I was able to talk on the telephone to venues and programmers, so I did, and that was good.
and a festival in a Room at ArtsDepot booked us because they liked our show.
On the seventh month, July
my diary sent to me:
more humping at Fraff
a sharing of Scary Shit at Richmix
Meetings with new dance people
a holiday in Brittany, to nurse the concusion I get during the show when I run into Maddy with my helmet on.
3 new French words
2 ideas for how we could make Scary Shit make a difference.
and time to bond with my little sis and beg her to write me a schedule of all the shows I needed to see in Edinburgh the following month.
On the eighth month, August
my job sent to me:
and many hangovers from Edinburgh Shenanigans
On the ninth month, September
My true love sent to me:
8 Maids a Milking (their boobs)
7 Swans a Swimming (in the buff)
6 Geese a Laying (on each other, sexy geese)
5 Golden Rings (no one likes gold ring sting, acquired from a bad diet and too much whisky)
4 Calling Birds ( Oi! Birds!)
3 French Hens ( well now I’m fluent in French I could probably have a natter with a few hens)
2 Turtle Doves (Turtle head is when a poo is popping out of your bottom, FYI)
and a Partridge in a Pear Tree (self explanatory)
Oh and I met some Lovely artist/Dramaturgs at #Test1 run by South East Dance.
On the tenth month, October
my life sent to me:
a residency at The Garage in Norwich
GFTA funding for our Scary Shit tour (first time, as if!)
My first visit to Liverpool St Helens for Heart of Glass festival with Scottee
Saying fanny in front of the Mayor of St Helen’s
a follow up recounting of that experience ‘we were battered into comedy submission and for one member of the audience, literally dry-humped into taking notice, by Rhiannon Faith and her stories of romantic and reproductive woe. Feminism dressed pink fur fabric and space-age silver is not to be ignored.’by Joan Burnett
a sense of accomplishment
On the eleventh month, November
my summarising of the year came to me
We had lots of Scary Shit shows, we went back to the Art Church (Colchester Arts Centre) for our Essex family.
We realised we had made a good show.
and we felt proud
and thankful to everyone who had made that possible
and excited about the future of Scary Shit
and the future of the company
and we talked about ideas for our new show
and we think the show will be called SMACK THAT
On the twelfth month of 2015
my true love, goes to you lot
Thanks for sticking by us,
Thanks for helping us get better, be better.
Thanks for watching our shows
Thanks for pledging
Thanks for talking about us
Thanks for putting up with us on your news feeds
Thanks for sharing
Thanks for giving us something to make shows about
And please have a Fucking Cracking Christmas
…and a Partridge in a Pear Tree.